Soon we will be able to travel, stay away from home (if we can find somewhere still available), go to the seaside, climb mountains. In about six weeks we will be able stay over with our friends and family, and life will really seem to be returning to normal. 

But do I want it to return to “normal”? Like many people I have enjoyed the relative tranquillity of working from home, of a limited social life, the greater abundance of time. If “normal” means rushing around, spending hours in trains and in the car, out every night at various activities and worrying about whether I do actually have a social life, then maybe I'm not quite so sure. 

And also, its not going to be normal though is it? The pandemic hasn’t ended, no vaccination is 100% effective, there are new variants circulating and the third wave is already looming in Europe. So it doesn’t feel brilliantly safe to through all caution to the winds quite yet. 

One of the challenges that we face in rebuilding a fuller life is how to cope with this uncertainty: how to decide what we feel is a reasonable risk, and how we build our confidence to go out into the world again. In some ways it’s as if we have become institutionalised, living a safe but restricted life. 

So some of the guidance for people taking their firsts steps in normal life after being in an institution might be worth considering. In a review of the effects of prison sentences on people’s personalities, Christian Jarrett of the BBC found that: 

 “The personality change that most dominated their accounts was an inability to trust others – a kind of perpetual paranoia”. The study found prisoners talking about feeling distanced from people, and finding it hard to trust other people. 

Over the last year we have developed habits of avoiding other people, even stepping into the traffic rather than sharing a pavement, and managing the all-pervasive social distancing requirements. We have suppressed our natural desire to hug and be close to those we love, with corresponding damage to our mental health. We may have enjoyed solitude and order, and a lack of social demands. For a new normal rebuilding trust so that we can connect with each other in the many different ways that we need is essential, and will take time. 

Some people have had jobs that have pretty much stayed the same – but for those of us who have been furloughed or have worked from home for the last year, these pointers may be helpful: 

1. Take it slowly: it will take some time to readjust and it doesn’t all have to happen overnight. Be patient with yourself. 2. Hold on to what works: Keep doing the things you find supportive to yourself. So if you like calm and silence and not going out quite as much as you did, its ok to make sure you still get plenty of calm times. In fact its something we all need. 

3. Be open minded: Don’t expect things to be like they were before – things have changed. Be curious as to what new opportunities and ways of doing things may be appearing. 

4. Awareness: Notice how you are reacting to people, and check in with yourself as to whether that is how you want to respond. 

5. Compassion for others: Recognise that we are all going to reintegrate at different speeds – be patient with others, and there is the challenge of recognising that we have all made different decisions about our response to this pandemic, and the lockdown rules. 

6. Build community: find practical things that you can do to support your local community, and that you enjoy, whether it is litter picking, helping to plant trees, playing music outside retirement homes….. The next few months are going to be a strange time – a mix of exhilaration, fun, connection, hope and quite probably disappointment and setbacks as well, as we work out what our new world looks like. We will need each other more than ever before, so looking after ourselves is a vital part of this. 

Let us hope that we can build back better, and enjoy living together in this wonderful planet of ours. 

© Kate Graham March 2021